On Motivation and Free Time

I tried to do NaNoWriMo last year. It didn't work out so well. And this year, I thought I'd try, just for the sheer heck of it. Who cares if I finished or not? It would be fun, an experience. You probably learn something on the way to 50,000 words. It was all settled in my brain until about two days ago.

Then I started thinking about all that time I would be spending on it. In order to have any realistic shot of finishing it or even getting close, I would have to spend practically any free time I have on it. And then, continuing on this dangerous trend of thinking, I thought "What else would I do with my free time?" And oodles of possibilities popped into my head - I could dedicate so much more time to trombone practice, homework, reading things I've never read, learning things. There are a lot of possibilities. So I concluded that NaNoWriMo is a waste of time and that it would detract from what I really want to do in my life.

But then - you can start to see the back-and-forth developing in my brain - I woke up this morning, took a shower, watched some TV and listened to some music and did silly little pointless things. Next thing I know, I've burned a good two hours. Of my free time - which could have been used on anything. And then realization hit me: what kind of free time would I really have if I didn't do NaNoWriMo? I would have that kind of free time, the trivial kind in which you just kind of chill. Which isn't to say that chilling isn't bad. But my previous reasons for not doing it - I could do so much more if I didn't - were questioned. I wouldn't naturally use WriMoing time for these things - I would do silly things like chat and watch sports and blog.

The truth is, I could do a lot more if I didn't do NaNoWriMo. But I wouldn't. There's no pressing deadline for practice - at least not currently. There's never a deadline for reading, not talking about school. The motivation for those kind of things, the long-term kind of things, is a lot less tangible - which is why, a lot of times, it's hard to just do it and realize that its for the best. The motivation can't come from outside; one needs to generate it him/herself.

So that's my revelation of the day. If I'm not going to do NaNoWriMo, I need to motivate myself to at least make some semblance of use of my time. Which I think I'm going to do. And blogging is pretty counterproductive to that, but at least it gives me a medium to get my thoughts out.

Listening to jazz currently. Bill Watrous and the Manhattan Wildlife Refuge.

Oh also. I watched Rocky Horror Picture Show for the first time in my life last night. It wasn't in the whole cult-gathering cue-following movie-theatre atmosphere, so I can't really say it was an experience, but it certainly was entertaining. And strange.

Word of the Day: Motivation

Song of the Day: Spain - Bill Watrous and the Manhattan Wildlife Refuge